Ahhh, naptime!

Ah, naptime.
Blissful, rejuvenating naptime.

I'm going to enforce it as long as I possibly can. I remember taking naps until I was in first grade. I was a child in need of regular sleep and my parents needed me to nap just as much as I did.

Adam has been taking one nap a day since he was about 14 months. Emily naps about 3 times a day. Both are in bed for the night at about8-9pm. I might be a nut for saying this, but I like daylight saving time for one simple reason: we will not change our kids' routine on account of the clock so they will be in bed between 7-8. Sounds good to me!

As for daytime naps, noon will be it for Adam come day in November. I sometimes nap, too, and today is one of those days. I've not been feeling great lately, so I nap. Off I go! :)

Today

It's been so long, I'm not even gonna attempt playing catch-up. I'm just going to jump in and journal about my day for a few minutes.

Currently, Tim & I are back with our counselors intermittently. Things for us aren't awful but they're not great. Such is the ebb and flow of life, eh?

Adam is a typical 2.5-year-old boy. He's constantly talking, noisy, making messes and asking why. It's been annoying in the last two days, but that's part of being home with him all day, every day. We ran out of sposies for him so he's in cloth like Emily. This ought to light a fire under me about making him some woolies. Thank goodness for my new sewing machine! :-D

Emily is a very happy 2.5-month-old. She eats like a champ and sleeps great at night (not every night, but I cannot complain). She smiles and laughs easily, and has a cool temper. I love cloth-diapering her. She has introduced me to an amazing network of women that I hope she can be a part of someday.

Myself? Well, I'm still under the employ of Farmers. I'm still on maternity leave but I need to get back to work. I'm involved in our local MOPS group and I try to get out with the kids frequently. Man, that's tough. I'm loving my new HTC One cell phone and playing with snap chat.

On a more personal level, I'm lonely, doubtful, and some other things the devil loves. I'm delving more into my relationship with Christ and getting a little more brave about doing His work. Our current Bible study at church is fine, but I'm getting more from the Beth Moore study on James with the women's group. I need something intense with all the mundane in my life. Oh, this season is exhausting and I feel overwhelmingly blessed by it.

Hope to check in for a few minutes every day at least and jot down a couple worthwhile notes about daily life. More to come...

Lamentations

Today in Bible Study, the topic of discussion was the fall of Israel, in a time at which the people had been so horribly sinful that our God of Hope said there was no remedy for them. The people were so desperately lost that even God recognized no way for His own chosen people to be saved. That terrifies me that we can fall so far away from Him that He won't take us back.

There have been situations in my life and marriage that I felt there were no remedy, no hope, no chance for revival. Lamentations, the book of the Bible written by Jeremiah, was written about that desolate time in Israel's history. The word lament is defined at dictionary.com as “to feel or express sorrow or regret for”. It's a book written in the depths of despair and pain. So many of my own journals have been lamentations.

My favorite part of Jeremiah's Lamentations is where the author writes in chapter 3, verses 21-23, “...and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

The people of Israel did evil in the eyes of God, generation after generation after generation. They hardly ever got it right. They screwed up to the point that God let them be destroyed except for a few of them. God let those few live so they would remember what happened and could warn future generations. Sounds familiar.

Our generation is blessed to have the generation who grew up during The Great Depression. Those folks have a lot to teach our spoiled and coddled generation. It is up to us, however, to be resilient enough to learn from them instead of making those same avoidable mistakes ourselves. One of my favorite sayings is “Life is too short to make your own mistakes; learn from others' and save yourself some time and heartache.”

I find myself thanking God for the trails of others and the gift of resiliency, that I might learn from the hardships of others and in acknowledging God for them, He will make my paths straight. I thank God for bringing those people into my life, and I thank Him for bringing me to life through them. God is so good!

these are the moments

Here I sit, working on a Saturday night. I am feeling so blessed right now that I want to write it down so I can read it when I need to, or look back on it over time and smile.

I'm working while the Packers take on the 49ers in the NFL Playoffs. Nikki texted me just a moment ago, encouraging me to listen to another moving Eagle Brook Church sermon and I'm about to fire up another podcast about getting my daily dose of God. Good stuff! How blessed am I to have a friend who has the wellbeing of my heart and soul on her mind.

Adam fell asleep in my arms after a day of family time at home. Tim is such a good daddy for him and Adam adores him for it. Tim and I do nigh' night prayer with Adam and I give Adam snuggles and lay him down for him to fall asleep on his own. Tonight, though, my sweet boy nuzzled in and fell asleep in my arms (a rarity these days), so I treasured it and snapped a picture with my phone. I am so blessed to have God's confidence in raising His children!

Tim's in the basement practicing his guitar for tomorrow's worship service at church. We're excited to enjoy lunch with our Pastor's family and another family after the service tomorrow. We love our church family and are so blessed to be involved with a great church just 2 miles from where we live! And what an honor to have been invited to our Pastor's home!

Today I posted a pic on Facebook of Adam wearing his “big brother” shirt and it's been a hit with nearly 90 likes and 50 comments. I am feeling the love! Our friends and family, regardless of how close we are to them, are lifting us up and I'm truly humbled by it. We're so blessed to have so many people who care about us!

I hope we can remember to honor God always, even when we don't feel like it or are falling and failing in life. Something I've been meditating on this week has been Proverbs 3:5-6, which reads, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Let that bless us as we put our faith in the one true place where it will never fail. Praise God for that!

exciting news and a failed date

First of all, my exciting news is that Tim, Adam, and I will be welcoming a baby to our family in July. Yay!

I'm doing fine - exhausted all the time and nauseous quite a bit, so normal. Don't make me think about it. The good news is that I'm losing weight this holiday season. ;-)

2 nights ago I was surprised to learn from Tim that he arranged for Mom to watch Adam tonight so we could enjoy a date. Nice!

Maybe I should have said no to eating, though.

Morning sickness is not cool. I couldn't use my nose at the restaurant. I couldn't make eye contact with the menu or the salad bar. I couldn't stomach even saying what I wanted out loud, so Tim had to order for me. I told Tim to stop talking about his food on more than one occasion. And on the way home I snuggled with a garbage can on my lap.

I thanked my husband for the date, then apologized for it. Then I said maybe another date that doesn't involve food? We can eat together in a couple months.

This means my 9-week-old baby is 1 inch long from head to rump, has fingers and toes, can move around on its own, and is doing a good job of keeping Mommy's hormones surging enough to make me sick. I know I am blessed! :-)

Winding Down 2012

Christmas is a week from today. A year ago, we were getting ready to take Adam in for hypospadias repair surgery. Adam turned a year old 8 months ago (already!), and 4 months ago my marriage came to a screeching halt. This is why I haven't been posting my blogs for quite some time (I've been saving my journals but not sharing them simply because they're personal).

I am sitting here looking at photos for our "Christmas" card/photo collage and wondering where the last year went. I know it will only get crazier as we add more exciting chaos to our lives and these feelings will only duplicate themselves next year and in the years to follow. I also know that as our family is growing stronger all the time, God's guiding hand will lead Tim and me to a marriage that's better than I can imagine.

In September, Tim and I went through a marital crisis that changed our lives forever. We have been shown tremendous grace and forgiveness by God, and through that we are able to love each other the way God intends us to. We still have a lot of learning to do, and I am excited for the next steps as I work to become a better person based on God's Word. I can't recommend Cornerstone Counseling enough for the incredible truths they've impressed upon our family.

Our marriage stumbled and fell and although we were 2 broken people, we picked up the pieces and we're managing to put them together in a different way to  build a family. We owe all of our healing to Christ. Tim and I have become devoted to God, our marriage, and our family in our Christian lives, instead of just being absent members of the church down the road and vacant members of the family in this house.

As I think about 2012 coming to a close, I look back and think about how far we have all come in this last year: Adam went from sitting, swaddled, and babbling to running, talkative, and opinionated; Tim and I went from frayed and miserable to healing and Christian. It's God's grace that brought us here, and for that I owe Him my life. God has blessed us through our pain and He brought us to a place of joy and peace. We've heeded this Proverb tremendously: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and he will make your paths straight."

As I think about 2013, I am praying for the fruits of the Spirit to continue to work in myself and Tim. We're in for our best year yet!

this pain is all too real

Please pray for my sister, Ilisa. We should all be moved to pray for each other more often, if for no other reason than to bless each other's day. But when illness takes such a physical toll, the emotional and sometimes spiritual tolls that lie beneath that can be compared to the mass of ice below the surface of water with icebergs, because we can't feel the pain others feel. We can't feel the toll it's taking in the lives of the suffering. The toll gets overwhelming and it's no wonder people who suffer chronically from mysterious diseases are distracted, sad, hurt, angry, desperate, lonely, despaired, and hopeless. Ilisa's journey through intestinal hell is taking a toll. I'm scared for her, and I'm asking you to join me in praying for our Lord's healing touch on her.

My message to Ilisa tonight clings to scripture, because when I don't know what else to say, I let God say it for me through His Word:

Sometimes it doesn't feel real enough to know we are loved by our Mighty Healer because of the all-too-real pain of the trials He allows us to endure. The Lord is working through you in so so so many ways and he has great plans for you. I pray for you. I have wondered myself at times if my prayers are enough, and it's easy to think, "I wish I could help you, but all I can do is pray."

Prayer is powerful. Be bold in your prayers because our Lord supersedes nature and can do anything. I am asking God to take your sickness from you, once and for all, and to deliver you from your pain, your doubt, the bondage of illness that is holding you back from enjoying your life like you could. I am praying for you to feel that relief from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet, at this very moment. You have had enough. It's your turn to be done with being sick and it's time for you to heal. If you have more people praying for you, that petition will be heard. Where two or more are gathered in the Holy Spirit, He simply cannot ignore that. I know you have more than a few people praying and petitioning for you, and He will work in His own time, but He is not ignoring us.

2 Corinthians 1:3-7 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

Philippians 4:5b-7 The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Matthew 21:21-22 Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”

Matthew 18:19-20 “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”