following the leader

In this house things go off with lots of hitches. The one thing that we don't strive for is perfection, but we strive to do things with the right driving force: God. Tim and I have conversations about priorities. Sometimes those conversations get heated, sometimes they are brought up because of one of us making a move in the selfish direction.

I grew up in a family with 6 siblings. We didn't travel much. We didn't go out to eat much. We stayed home and played. We biked a mile into town to the park or Grandma & Grandpa's house to play. We camped in the yard. We played house and post office, and we spent a lot of time outside. My best friends were my siblings. We stayed overnight at friends' houses now and then, and I felt like I was missing out when I was away from home.

My parents created an environment for us to want to be. It wasn't just a place to live. I wanted to be home (I won't comment on my teenage years) and I still call it home. I remember crying as I drove out of the yard on my way to college because I was so homesick. It was a mental battle between my wants and needs. Now that I am home with Adam during the summer days (when I used to go to my parents' house 3 days a week while Tim worked, including last summer) I feel that pang of homesickness once more, and it's easy to decide: needs get priority over wants.

Summer. What a great time of year to be busy, unless you have a busy toddler who needs a routine. The majority of the time I can recreate some of Adam's routine, but I'm a sucker for the easy route, so I stay home. I know that with more kids I will stay home even more, and I'm going to because I want to. Tim used to say things to me when I was pregnant to the effect of, "Our life isn't going to change that much, is it? Why would it?" I didn't even respond. Truth is, his life didn't change much. Not until I started putting more of Adam's care in his hands. I resented Tim for a long time for that, but through The Program have learned that the blame falls on me for not trusting Tim enough... I'm losing track here. That's gonna be another post, I guess. ;)

At any rate, Adam needs routine wherever we are. When he needs something, he communicates that. It falls on me and Tim to listen and decipher his language. Adam is learning some sign language, but that has its limits. It will only get easier. When he was too young to sign and whine, it was only crying. I'll never forget Tim's anxious manner when he asked me when we just got Adam home, "How do we know what he wants?" It wasn't that he wanted anything, it's that he needed something. I figured things out based on the clock. It got easier to hear it in his cries whether it was a hungry cry or a tired cry. Adam never fussed about his diaper, and was a very content baby. I didn't wait for him to cry to answer to his needs; I responded when he fussed. Why wait for a cry when it only meant it would teach him not to trust me and I'd have to take longer to calm him down. It was a no-brainer.

When it came to letting Adam cry it out (CIO) at bedtime, I only attempted it when I knew he was healthy, fed, and tired. His only need at that point was for sleep. He wanted to nurse and be held/rocked/snuggled and I made sure that was the reason for his sadness. I knew that was the case when he would cry when I lowered him to his crib, and stop immediately when I picked him up. I recognized that from his days of crying in his car seat. He cried when he was not ready to self-soothe, and got over it when he was ready for it. When he self-soothed in his car seat he was probably ready to self-soothe in his crib.

This household runs on a baby-led schedule. We meet Adam's needs first. In this culture, that idea is not widely accepted or embraced. We expect our babies to conform to our lifestyles, in the hopes that "not that much will change". I wanted my life to change. Babies are not novelty items. They are anything but convenient. Who said they should be? I am happy to follow Adam's lead, especially when it's so easy to read his signals and adjust to his needs to get a happy kid. Why wouldn't I? It's easy because it's common sense. It's natural. I agree that it's good for kids to learn to be patient and learn to wait for some things. I also believe that a kid's needs should be met before mine because I am a real-life grown-up and it's not all about me. =)

I ramble too much. I know that. ;) The point is, if we follow God, our priorities will fall easily into place. Needs will be met, wants will follow. Joy will capture our hearts and we will find an attitude of gratitude. Prayers for health and thanksgiving are abundant, and so are our blessings. =)