let go, and let God

I just had a whirlwind of a day (and a half). I brought Adam to his great-auntie Connie's for the night and spent my first night away from him in over a year. Tim and I had a date night and we went out to eat at The Laurel (mmmmm... salmon...). 2 1/2 glasses of Champagne later, I admitted to Tim that I was fighting exhaustion. You see, whenever Adam is not around, I. Get. Tiiiiiired. *sigh*

We came home and Tim took Sophie out to do her business. I decided to let go of my consciousness and wind waaaaay down. I showered and put on my comfy pjs. I stumbled out of the bedroom, over Adam's toys, and plopped on the couch. I queued up Netflix, "How I Met Your Mother", and proceeded to pass out.

I don't remember Tim getting in with the dog. I don't remember talking to him (which I apparently did when they got in). I don't remember ANYTHING except waking up to a lovely soaked shirt and aching boobs. I squinted to make out the clock; if it wasn't 5, I wasn't getting up. Dang it, 5:30.

Then I had the thought settle over me that my baby wasn't home and I loved the fact that I could take care of me. And that's it.

Lots of people said "oh you'll miss him" or "you're gonna cry" when I mentioned him having his first over-night away from me. I couldn't stop smiling when I dropped him off with Auntie Connie! I called Hailee and laughed because I felt free! I trust my aunt to take care of Adam. He was only 2 miles away. He was happy when I left and I got lots of text-pics that showed that he was happy. One of the best things I've learned through my progress in The Program is to let God be in control. That alone not only made this possible, but also easy and truly enjoyable.

I have noticed that when things don't go like I thought they would, I need to slow down and look around at what God would rather have me do. I'm here to do His bidding and I feel good for doing it. If traffic is moving slower, fine. If Adam's out of my hands, okay. If the dog eats cat poo, whatever. If circumstances make me late, hungry, double-think, and yes, even upset, I'm learning to turn my attention to God. I'm getting faster at recognizing these instances and I'm happier when I shrug my shoulders and think, "that's okay," or, "this might be better than the other possibility".

My next challenge is to quit being a doormat and to stand up for myself. I'm okay with things going a different way, but I'm unhappy and hurt when I let people trample on my feelings. I will learn (soon, I hope) to bring my feelings to the surface and deal with them before they turn ugly (like my last post to a hacker that I deleted).

When God is in my heart, good things will happen in my life. When God helps me choose my words, better things will happen. When God guides my actions, great things will happen. I am my thoughts, my words, and my actions. If God helps me bear the weight of my troubles, the world will be a brighter place!

As I work to sleep-train Adam (again! after 10 weeks of sickness and being away from home) I need to remember to let go of what's going on for the sake of letting God's plan fall into place. I need to tell myself to let go, and let God take over. One day at a time!