i'm one of those jesus freak types

I pray on a consistently irregular basis, when the thought strikes, where ever I am. I think the most important thing in any relationship ever is communication, and relationships are simply between two people. Yes, I think God is a person, and that I am just as responsible in keeping my end of the communication up as He is.

A couple of weeks ago I read something that went right to my heart: when we sin, no matter the sin, it is the result of not having God centered in our thoughts, words, and actions. I try to keep God on my side, but since then I've been asking Him to let His Holy Spirit into the gut of my soul, to take over, and to be the driving force in me.

I have anger issues. I feel like anything that is upsetting leads me to anger/frustration/annoyance/whathaveyou... and it's because I need more God and less me. As the song goes (So Long Self by Mercy Me):

...So long, self
Well, it's been fun, but I have found somebody else
So long, self
There's just no room for two
So you are gonna have to move
So long, self
Don't take this wrong but you are wrong for me, farewell
Oh well, goodbye, don't cry
So long, self...

I think it's human nature (sinful nature) to be self-centered. Then I look back to see how many times the words "I, me, my..." appear in these blogs and shake my head. Well, it is my journal. Ha! I just hope that as Adam grows he wants God to be the center in his life, and the center of his soul. It's a selfish desire, but I find myself feeling good about wanting that for my kid. =)

Every night and periodically throughout the day I pray with Adam. I started in the hospital when I had him; I had an overwhelming urge to surround my baby with God's holy presence. Who wouldn't want that for their baby?? I asked God in a desperate begging way to take care of my baby boy who didn't even have a name yet. I was tearful and felt a powerful urgency in wanting to protect my baby physically and spiritually. I suppose this is the very reason people have their infants baptized. I prayed with him while I buckled him into his car seat one time, asking God to keep him from screaming the whole car ride (he hated the car seat from months 2-5) and God gave me and Adam a quiet ride. Yahoo! It didn't happen every time, but I sure appreciated when God gave us a break from the sadness!

My point is simple: I want Adam to be used to the ongoing conversation between us and God. I want my family to see it as normal to openly converse with Him, as we do with our dearest friends. It's comforting for me to see people bow their heads silently before a meal and to hear people open up about and to God to their friends and family. I like our church for that very reason: we are accepted no matter how we approach God and no matter how we maintain a relationship with Him.

Tonight I reminisced (after I prayed with Adam and he just fell asleep so peacefully) about when my sister, Ilisa, and I went to Grandma and Grandpa Ajer's house and stayed overnight. It was special that we said our bedtime prayer and blessings before bed, and I want Adam to remember that with me and Tim. Our bedtime prayer:

Now I lay me down to rest, angels guard my little nest. Like a wee bird in a tree, Loving Father, care for me. Glad and well, may I awake. This I ask for Jesus' sake. Amen.

"God bless Adam Isaiah, Mommy and Daddy, and God bless Sophie, too. God bless Grammas and Grampas, Aunties and Uncles, and all those cousins, too. God please bless our dear friends and our neighbors, near and far. Bless us all simply because you made us who we are. Thank you for the air, good water, the sun, and the food you give. And thank you most of all, Dear God, for your Son, that we might live. Amen."

When we were little, we did blessings and started with family, then friends, and eventually said "everyone in the world". I remember crying one night after Ilisa fell asleep because I couldn't name enough people and I wanted God to bless everyone. We are all blessed, and I still wish to this day that everyone recognizes who gives them those blessings.

I'll stop now. I could ramble on and on... I've got that joyJOYjoyJOY down in my heart. ;o)  God bless you! =)